The enforcer I'm not

I owe Goodyear another 200 bucks. So much for kicking some ass. Turns out some sensor is off and there was too much fuel getting to the engine, and then something else. Who the fuck knows, ya know?

I am tired. I'm also wandering. I don't know exactly where I want to be or how to get there. My bosses called me on it -- do like what I'm doing??? I do and I don't. I like my clients. I like making them happy. I like the people I work with, but do I want to be an accountant? NO. Have I wasted 3 years of my life? I can certainly pick some things that have made the last three years worthwhile. But have I maximized my potential? Have I done any of the many noble things that I set out to do??? Have I ever had goals?

I used to think that I was like Beth in the book Little Women -- I didn't need any dreams because I was going to die young. Well, I didn't die young. But I am starting to have that nagging, sinking feeling that I haven't exactly lived either. I think I am comparing myself to others, which in itself is bad enough. Worse yet, I am comparing myself to people who have already lived their lives -- so they've done what I'm missing out on. PLUS, I work with people that love what they do. They get up and come to work every day because they have a passion for it. They make the money and have the good things because they have followed the path they should rather than the path that ruffles the least amount of feathers.

Makes me wonder. Makes me sick. And makes me think I have a lot to think about. UGH.